I am a pleasant person, often found sipping broth in abandoned railroad depots. Between 11am and noon on Tuesdays, I help the homeless locate more fashionable sweaters. I always swim on a full stomach.
I can be flirtatious and have been known to lisp when convenient. I once led a vertical tasting of Manischewitz. Pets love me.
I am nationally ranked in scrapbooking, but my primary interests are bacon, velour, and hikes through slippery mountain ravines. In addition, I am an avid fan of punctuation.
I was kidnapped once, but thwarted my captors using nothing but a handful of cashews and the wrapper from a pack of Pall Malls. On several occasions, I have scaled the highest peak in the District of Columbia without the aid of supplemental oxygen. I floss regularly.
I penned an award-winning epic poem detailing the proper way to make toast; I'm now working on the sequel. Twelve years ago, I was kicked out of a televangelical church in Texas, being told I "looked too smart." I dance to my own drummer... his name is Neil.
I was drafted by the Yankees out of high school, but I fled to Canada to dodge a lucrative contract. I drink expensive wine through a straw and cheap beer out of a leaded Jefferson cup. I don't believe in Santa Claus, but the Tooth Fairy and I lunch together on Wednesdays.
I once acted out Rabelais' Gargantua and Pantagruel in its entirety... in Latin... while suffering from laryngitis. I possess the largest curated collection of identical mosaic tiles. I am able to leap toy buildings in a single bound.
I sleep 8 hours a night; but not in a row. I once found a piece of beef jerky in the image of Jesus; unfortunately, I was hungry. I always procrastinate on time.
I once played with the New York Philharmonic; they're not very good at "Duck Duck Goose." I've never hit anyone, but I think about it a lot. Nearly 2 people have deemed me remarkable.
(inspired by Hugh Gallagher, even though I wrote my college application essay first, and he got all the fame and fortune)
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560-765-7658
UPCOMING SHOWS
(all dates/times subject to change)
Saturday, September 4th _ 8pm
The Original Show
The Westside Comedy Theater
1323-A Third Street Promenade
Santa Monica, CA 90401
$10 / BYOB
www.westsidecomedy.com
Tuesday, September 7th _ 8pm
The Rock and Wry Show
McCabe's Bar and Grill
2455 Santa Monica Boulevard
Santa Monica, CA 90404
No cover and no drink minimum
www.mccabesbar.com
Wednesday, September 8th _ 9:30pm
RIOT!
El Cid
4212 Sunset Bouleavrd
Los Angeles, CA 90029
$10 / No drink minimum
www.elcidla.com
Thursday, September 9th _ 8pm
The Jester's Court
Ye Olde King's Head
116 Santa Monica Boulevard
www.yeoldekingshead.com
Friday, September 10th _ 9pm
The Downtown Comedy Club
(Featured act)
114 West 5th Street
Los Angeles, CA 90013
$10 / no drink minimum
www.downtowncomedyclub.com
Tuesday, September 14th _ 8pm
Wednesday, September 15th _ 9pm
Mr. J's Comedy Night
The Hollywood Hotel - 1160 Lounge
1160 N. Vermont Avenue
Hollywood, CA 90029
Email me to get on my guest list
www.hollywoodhotel.net
Thursday, September 16th _ 8pm
Skinny's Lounge
4923 Lankershim Boulevard
North Hollywood, CA 91601
www.skinnyslounge.com
Saturday, September 18th _ 8pm
Tuesday, September 21st _ 8pm
Thursday, September 23rd _ 8pm
Friday, September 24th _ 9:30pm
Comedy in the Attic
Malo
4326 Sunset Boulevard
www.malorestaurant.com
Saturday, September 25th _ 9pm
(Headliner)
Tuesday, September 28th _ 8pm
Creative Resume
LA Casting profile
Actors Access profile
Life Resume
New blog launching soon!
My new blog is coming.
Soon, you will be able to read my outward internal dialogue on a daily basis.
Please check back for the official launch.
In the meantime, please click below to
read my semi-award-winning short story,
Are You There, God? It's Me, Ned Neff.
COMMERCIAL / THEATRICAL REPRESENTATION
Gail Marx
Daily Talent
866.313.4106
VOICEOVER REPRESENTATION
Ferenc Laczko
Diverse Talent Group
310.201.6565
Represented by:
Ferenck Laczko ~ Diverse Talent Group ~ 310.201.6565
Some reviews of my act:
"A wry and witty storyteller... sarcastic, sardonic and, at times, acerbic and cynical. Hilarious." ~ a good friend of Kevin
"What can I say about Kevin? He is, at once, a master of repartee and the king of l'esprit de l'escalier." ~ a lesser friend of Kevin
"Awful." ~ numerous audience members
"Not as family-friendly as advertised." ~ member of a handbell choir
"He'll never be able to buy a house." ~ various club owners
"It's always a pleasure working with Kevin. He has a way of making every other comic in the room look good in comparison." ~ lots of comics
"Thank goodness they serve alcohol at these things." ~ everyone
"That dude could not be less funny. Smashing watermelons... now that's how you do comedy." ~ unidentified man with a thick drawl
"Kevin is not the best performer, but he's a brilliant writer of material. His jokes always kill when I do them." ~ Dane Cook
"Kevin is not the best performer, but he's a brilliant writer of material. His jokes always kill when I do them." ~ Carlos Mencia (after hearing Dane Cook's comment)
Questions? Comments? Anyone? Bueller?
Send me an email at kevin_kevingarbee.com
You can also follow me on Twitter.
It's unwholesome fun for the entire family.
And while you're at it, be my Facebook friend.
I'm a great virtual friend.
KEVIN GARBEE
comedian
humorist
raconteur
redundant person
